Blue Beater Car = Blue Balls

The hot girls who pull up next to the freecreditreportdotcom dudes are in a cool red convertible ride, but the freecreditreport dorks are in a blue beater. This is actually symbolic of the blue balls they are going to have from not getting pussy due to their lack of $, or a cool ride. Blue beater car = blue balls.



*Note that beater is slang for a beat-up car

Tease on Wheels

Sara,

Why is it that girls can drive a red car, no problem?

Shawn

Girls can drive whatever they want. A girl driving a red car is more like an advertisement of hotness, it's a tease on wheels. For men, their car or vehicle of choice, is a statement about their penis.

Luring the Alpha Female

from peewee, my blogs' resident alpha / beta sociologist:

I've been thinking up a few more theoretical concepts that might apply to your brutal but brilliant blog.

My initial follow-up to the ABBC Theory relates to your suggestion that men who drive red cars invariably have a small penis. I.e. Your RedCarSmallPenis Theory.

I admit to initially finding your comments amusing and simply attributed them to the bitchy jokes of a young, callous hottie. I assumed that there was no genuine correlation whatsoever between red cars and small, under-endowed, wimpy men. Consequently, I sought to scientifically disprove this ill-conceived theory and duly assigned a null hypothesis as follows:- 'There is no correlation between owning a red car and small penis size'.

However, having researched the subject matter and the studies conducted in associated fields, my findings have already gone a significant way to disproving and rejecting the null hypothesis. My findings, although limited in scope, actually support the credibility of your cruel RedCarSmallPenis Theory.

I can summarise my findings by citing the esteemed work of recognized colour theorist, Dr F Birren, author of the definitive 'Color Psychology and Color Therapy'. Birren lists what he calls "Modern American Color Associations" and assigns the associative attributes of red as "brilliant, intense, dry, hot, passionate, exciting, intense, active and fierce".

Interestingly, the above associative attributes of the colour 'red', are directly opposed to those possessed by the Beta males. Along with, and sometimes because of, an obvious underendowment, Beta males are widely described as "disappointing, weak, wet, tepid, impotent, dull, placid, sedentary and timid". An undeniable inverse correlation has therefore been established.

It is scientifically recognised that a perfect correlation of this kind, whether the two factors are directly or inversely related, cannot occur by chance. The strength of the correlation is beyond the balance of probabilities, or the preponderance of evidence. It is clear that there is a perfectly inverse correlation between the colour 'red' and 'Beta males' (i.e. whose principle attribute is often recognised as a small penis).

Regrettably, my research has not progressed from this juncture. I possess a tiny penis and drive a red car. I was therefore traumatised by discovering conclusive proof of this inverse link. I can only concede that your theory is quite probable after all. My reluctant explanation is that Beta males, or small dicked wimps, recognising their impotence in attracting Alpha females, seek to compensate for their lack of dominant attributes by acquiring red automobiles, thus artificially exhibiting those traits that Mother Nature has cruelly denied them. Their obvious hope is that the red colour of the car will lure the Alpha female.

To conclude, the null hypothesis, whilst not categorically disproved, has certainly been significantly contradicted and discredited. Additional research, predominantly survey based, would be necessary to firmly establish the propensity of underendowed males to drive red cars. However, there is definite method behind this madness as illustrated by the wise words of a certain Dr C G Saunder, who incitefully suggested red magenta be prescribed for masculine impotency and feminine apathy. One suspects he did not intend the prescription to be applied in the form of a body spray to a gaudy sports car! But desperate times call for desperate measures, and there is nothing quite so desperate as an impotent, underendowed Beta boy!

You are right after all, Empress Sara. You are always right.

peewee

Added by the Empress: Women have long made the association that cars are symbolic of the male penis. And red cars are the strongest symbol of the erect blood-engorged ready for sex penis. Beta males can surround themselves with this red shell, this armor, to compensate for what they don't have in their pants. The car is an illusion, a laughable irony. Betas are fishing with the wrong lure. 99% of all women, when they see a man driving a red car think "SMALL PENIS!" Why do men even buy them then? I would like to hear from some of you red car small penis owners, why why? Are any of your reasons listed in peewee's research, or are there other dynamics which make you betas choose the color red....

Or do beta wimps 'don' the red car in the same fashion that male birds and animals show off their feathers or desirability, a colorful display to attract the female. Is the red car not just color therapy for the wimpy male, but his attempt to perform a peacock strut, to compete with the endowed alpha males. Do betas instinctively feel that red will draw the most attention, well um yes, but maybe not the type of attention that betas hope to garner!